Columbus did not discover America.
You might say he was the first European to arrive in the western hemisphere, but evidence suggests the Vikings got there 500 years before him. And never mind the Asians who 15,000 years ago came across the land bridge that connected Siberia and Alaska.
Enough of that history nonsense, you say. How about something important, like condiments?
Nearly a million people recently found the time to vote for their right to buy a pre-made blend called Mayochup.
The people at Heinz, masters of manipulation, allowed Twitter followers to “discover” mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together in the same bottle, a triumphant solution in search of a non-existent problem.
It is all tarted up to pretend it is a new discovery, but it’s not new at all.
Heinz already sells Mayochup in the Middle East. Goya sells Mayo-Ketchup in the US. Others have long been selling ketchup-mayo blends in the US as fry sauce, in Latin America as salsa rosado, and in the UK as Marie Rose Sauce.
PR flacks are saying things like “its arrival is going to be absolutely glorious,” and “it’s the perfect addition to almost any food.” Time magazine says Heinz New Mayochup has incited “total condiment mayhem.”
Others are less breathless.
USA Today asks, “Is it a disgusting new condiment or just what you’ve been waiting for?” Fast Company asks “Is it innovation gone wrong?”
Jeff Vrabel called it a “cute viral Twitter poll run by stunt-inventing millennials in the employ of an enormous corporation.”
Bethany Jean Clement is hotter under the collar than most. She says “This deeply stupid non-development represents not just the triumph of convenience over sense-making, but that of end-stage capitalism over human dignity. Combining the contents of two containers is now officially too much cooking for America, and the solution, of course, is to buy another thing.”
For those who can’t wait, Mayochup is available online at Kuwait’s Sultan Centre and Dubai’s Margin Fresh.