Dreck the Halls

Young Moderns have had it with the dreary old decorations of the past and think it’s time to move on.

One great way to make your Christmas yard display stand out is by featuring an inflatable Hidden Valley Ranch bottle, a Taco Bell sauce packet, and a giant bag of Johnsonville Sausage Snacks. They make your place Instagrammable while also fulfilling your product ambassador responsibilities.

Don’t stop there, though. Let’s go inside and trim that Christmas tree with some livelier than usual ornaments. How better to boost your holiday spirit than with a beer, a shot of tequila, and a hit from your Frosty the Snowman bong? 

Better not overindulge on an empty stomach, so don’t forget the three sacred food groups of avocado, kale, and sushi.

Who can deny the warm and fuzzy, hearth-and-home feelings you get when you hang likenesses of Osama Bin Laden, Freddy Krueger, and Chucky from your tree?

And what completely ignores those worn-out Christmas traditions more than Bigfoot, a toilet plunger, and a squirrel-in-tighty-whiteys?

Unless it’s a Jesus selfie ornament.

Enjoy your holidays. I’ll be watching.