The first obituaries were published long ago in newspapyri somewhere around the Mediterranean Sea. They were little more than death notices. When someone of great stature died, there would be brief life summaries. Asp Takes Cleo.
A Closer Look at Obituaries
A month or so I started taking a closer look at obituaries. I like to start searches by getting a clear picture in my head of what the key words mean and how their meanings may have changed over time. Back in what are called the Dark Ages, the Latin word obituarius meant “setting sun,” a poetic reference to “a record of the death of a person.”
These death records evolved to include brief biographical sketches, typically published in newspapers
The information is provided by family members or their representatives. Many newspapers treat obituaries as they do classified ads, sliding scales for placement and rates.
What is a death notice?
Death notices are paid announcements placed by families, executors, or funeral homes. The longer the announcement, the higher the fee. They are public announcements of who died, who survives them. and the when and where of funeral homes, services, memorials, viewing times, donations to causes in lieu of flowers, etc.
What is an obituary?
Obituaries are newspaper articles and stories written by journalists. They’re a traditional summing-up of people’s lives and accomplishments by people who write for a living. As short stories, they help friends and family remember the best of the deceased.
Who writes obituaries?
Large newspapers write obituaries of notable people while they’re alive. They keep an inventory of them, updated and ready to go on short notice. World figures, scientists, celebrities. The larger the person in life, the longer the obituary. Muhammed Ali’s is longer than Leon Spinks’.
Few if any surviving family members have experience writing obituaries
So when it’s decided who the task should fall upon, grief and the need for quick results make it difficult for any family member to capture the memory of the deceased in the ways they had hoped.
Want to write an obituary for a living relative or friend?
Templates are easy to find online and many people find they’re helpful tools. With real writers being replaced by robots, it’s easy to find sites that write obituaries for you. Legacy.com even has a free obituary writer.
Disclosure: I accept that when a death occurs suddenly and unexpectedly, automated tools and services can be a real help, especially for the unwell and the distraught. I do not accept that any shared feeling is possible when assembly line robots perform simple mathguistics.
Here’s a pitch that caught my eye: Personalized Obituaries in Only Seconds
As I read on, I learned that “Each tribute is unique and requires close review and revision according to the user’s preferences and circumstances.” This struck me as a wildly inconsistent timeline from promising it takes only seconds to requiring close review and revision. It can’t be both, can it?
Instant Obit Writer! Free AI Obituary Generator!
All these things are fine for people who think an appropriate way to express deep personal sorrow that comes from the loss of someone close is to let a computer program write it for them.
“Type a few details, and we will automatically create a heartfelt (italics mine) obituary.”
This is done by a program that wraps text around whatever bits you feed it. For some reason I get a mental picture of pancake batter being poured over blueberries. It also sounds like the syrupy world of sympathy cards, and that’s enough of breakfast. I wonder how many people believe they’re hiring only sincere and passionate robots?
A better idea is to have someone write yours for you
It’s a real challenging and stimulating collaborative effort. You know the facts and your writer knows how to put them together. It’s like the living funerals I wrote about in Why Do We Have Funerals? on March 18, 2024.
What got me started on obituaries
Recently a friend asked if I would write his obituary. I told him I’d be honored and his would be my first. Our shared history goes back to our days at a small Baptist College in Kentucky. We were both dorm counselors that had to work our way through school as janitors, tobacco field hands, and freight handlers on the midnight shift.
This is a great opportunity for me to add a personal note to what otherwise might have been just a long list of the facts of his life and his accomplishments. It’s a privilege and a great responsibility. We have weekly conversations that go on for hours.
His current CV is a pages-long comprehensive and detailed document that charts the course of his professional life
His CV Summary lists his qualifications, skills, education, and experiences. His CV includes his certifications, awards, fellowships, grants, publications, presentations, contributions, achievements, licenses, professional memberships, and affiliations.
But my friend is much more than what’s on those papers
He’s worked with dozens of organizations, schools, and businesses. Many of them will want to print tributes to the man when he’s gone, so the obit I’ve been drafting and editing for the last few weeks is more of a condensed biography that begins with the story of an orphan kid from Kentucky. Each will get a copy of the original to edit as they see fit.
The New York Times staffers have written more than 200,000 obituaries
What makes the The New York Times obituaries better is that so many others are just lists of facts and The New York Times’ are always a pleasure to read, no easy task. I think they do obits head-and-shoulders better than any other publication.
William McDonald is the NYT obituary editor
In a New York Times article, he said that is not the intent of The New York Times to honor the dead, saying that’s a job for eulogists and hagiographers.”We seek only to report deaths and to sum up lives, illuminating why, in our judgment, those lives were significant.”
How do they go about it?
McDonald says with such a wide world to watch, his daily newspaper focuses on people they think will command the broadest interest because of the news they made when they were alive. They investigate, research, and “ask around,” a favorite method of mine, too.
Many obituaries are online now and the trend is toward them being published by sites that trace family genealogies
Legacy is the big player in the post-your-grief industry. It has an obituary writing website where you can keep the memories of your loved ones alive with “our thoughtful obituary generator.” It promises to create a beautiful legacy, with personal obituaries crafted for you, starting at $29.
Legacy also has a page where you can place an obituary in The New York Times. The budget package is published in your local Times and buyers get “a lasting memorial with Guestbook on Legacy.com.”
What you get for your $263
- The obit you submit runs one day in the local print version.
- A permanent online obituary.
- Four lines of text. Additional lines available for purchase.
- If you want to add a photo, that’ll be another $1,200.
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Bonus
After one of our armchair conversations, the subject of my in-the-works obituary sent me this about a spinster librarian we both knew. She was sent over by Central Casting, stereotypically prim, rimless glasses, sensible shoes, yellow #2 pencils stuck in her tight grey bun, and a faint-as-a-memory whiff of baby lilacs from afar).
“In giving instructions for her funeral,” he wrote, “Miss C. required that all her pallbearers be women. ‘Men didn’t take me out while I was alive and they certainly won’t when I’m dead,’ she was quoted as having said more than once.”
